my first kiss

I forgot about the questionnaire. My bad. The second que? is about first kiss. I have talked about my first physical kiss before; and I assume that’s what the questionnaire maker was alluding to with the question. So this will be brief. Unless I talk about a very vivid kiss.

First kiss. I instigated it. I’d wanted to kiss this guy for a long time, and I dared myself to it. I was overwhelmed by expectations, I swear, I felt smothered by nervousness. I tried to calm myself down but I wasn’t practising apathy back then, so it was for naught.

It was at a club. As I was leaving, I pulled him with me, told him I had to do something, freaked out a lot by pressing my hands against my face, and keening a lot. Then I threw my arms around him and messily kissed him hard.

I’m getting vivid flashbacks with denial. It’s very hard to deal with. 

After the first mess of a kiss, I hid my face in his neck, practically squeezed him out of breath, then he nudged me and told me to try it again, which I did; and slowed it down a smidge; and it wasn’t so bad that second time around. Then, on my way home, I came to the conclusion that the kisses weren’t anywhere as good as the expectations I’d had.

Took me a while longer to realise I’m an idealist. Reality when it comes to romance and sexual interaction does nothing for me. Nothing close to what imagination does.


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