I don’t write a lot, or publish, rather, because I don’t feel like anyone listens or wants to know what I’m thinking. I keep my meta opinions to myself. And they come through when I’m having conversations. As such, I’m always being told, I’d be a great writer; which I don’t deny. But what’s the point of being a writer if you have no audience?
Well, I am my audience. So when I write, I do it and put it on a platform I can access for myself. I learned, over a decade, to stop looking for people’s attention. To stop waiting for someone to look like they were listening to me for me to develop a way of thinking, stories, of engaging on certain topics. I have developed a way to hold multiple views without feeling conflicted. Cause life’s not always expressly categorical.
However, I don’t give people the same courtesy. Too many people, I have met, tend to have a categorical way of looking at situations. It’s an either/or mentality for them. So, I tend to regard a lot of people as daft when they voice their opinions, and they sound less than well thought through. And usually, they aren’t engaging me to have a discussion, and explore the topic of conversation; but to impress upon an audience their opinions, their points of view. To be validated by having one more person hear them out. They regard this as a confirmation that their point of view is correct. Such engagements leave little confidence in me to share my opinions with people. So, I keep them to myself most times.
Got a lot on my mind; but for the first time, a response from my supervisor doesn’t make me anxious.
Of course, there’s a problem with the content of the work she’s already altered. I think realising she’s the problem, and not myself, has enabled e to not be affected immensely by her responses. They used to make me unable to think, or do much with my thesis. I took three months off a few times to deal with the anxiety, cause for a chunk of 2013, I thought I was the problem. It’s a relief to know I’m not. It’s not a relief to know I’m not going to graduate this year, cause she’s taking too long to accept her own words.
Yes, this thesis isn’t my work. No reason to lie. It’s hers. I just provide a scapegoat; or proxy for her. I wish she would just work faster at accepting that she’s imperfect, and quit making me work forever and twenty months on a project that shouldn’t take more than half the time.
Masters are suckious when the supervisor is difficult to work with.
Meh, it is both also.
I ask myself this a lot when I feel like opinions, and situations are beyond kosher personally.
Like when people insist the govt is at fault for everything; including security. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 3 decades of life as if the citizens have nothing to do with it. I think the citizens should ignore the authorities and take security matters into their own hands. Learn defense tactics, stock up on armour; forge alliances across county lines. Ever relying on govt and ‘your people’ mentality of yore hurts and harms. It doesn’t help. Unless you’re the guys perpetrating the harm, in which case, I suppose it’s a success to rely on such ideology from them days when the colonialists manipulated it too pit Africans against each other and keep from mobilising to defeat the imperial govt.
and it will suck.
It’s not the hardest thing in the world to see why. We’ve been raised to fear incarceration; we’ve seen our governments blatantly not care for the effects their actions have on their citizens. We’ve seen how things have changed from the June 4th Movement of China making nothing of the reasons of the movement; to Berlin Wall coming down in 1989 and giving people an example of how revolutions should be carried out by people, and embraced by governments. From Women’s conference in 1995 publicising all the negativity women are subjected to, and the conference being ridiculed; and their agenda barely taken seriously by world authorities. To the North African and Arabic uprisings that have led to less than expected positive results. We’ve been raised to not care that we’re suffering; to shut up when crimes are being done by the elite; and become vicious to petty criminals. We’re bigoted, and shout down, ridicule, excommunicate anyone who points out our discriminative practises. We’re the worst of the 20th century distilled, and we’re not going to get any good without personal decisions to be good.
Our parents, and the generation between are the worst; but we’re not any better. We have the knowledge of their history at our disposal; but we do nothing to change the trends they have set, that are harming this world. It’s enough to make me want to jump planet.